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} catch (err) { Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. On The Simple Solution To Parenthood's Most Difficult Question "Parents are burning these kids out on structure. 2. And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. And armbands. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. George Carlin Sayings and Quotes about life! 3140. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. The table is tilted, folks. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. I look at war a little. Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. "George Carlin confronts reality". They own all the important land. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly Weve added years to life, not life to years. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. We havent tried that for a while. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. I hate groups of people. window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? I think people should be allowed to do what they want. If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. That is against their interests. Period. Best Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin | SComedy Theres a humorous side to every situation. document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. Quote by George Carlin: "But there's a reason. There - Goodreads Its so f***ing heroic. This is the best we can do folks. if (window.Mobvious === undefined) { He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. People cant seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Nobody owns anything. Enjoy! They should be more vivid. "Men are from Earth,. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. 3. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. var gads = document.createElement("script"); Whats that, a bonus? My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight LaughPlanet 900K subscribers Subscribe 42K 1.3M views 2 years ago #GeorgeCarlin #Comedy #America George Carlin Shitting on Government. Required fields are marked *. Trouble is, most of them suck. setDisplayBids: function() {}, You know why? By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Religion class was always an easy class. stylesheet.rel = "stylesheet"; We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? " George Carlin 14. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Then you live in an old age home. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); Property is theft. We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. Right in the f--in head! . The following quotes are some of the most thought provoking sentences youll ever read. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. function q(c, r) { " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. We are in a country, and in a world that is run by people who brainwash , . To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; stylesheet.type = "text/css"; But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. node.parentNode.insertBefore(gads, node); And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. //Do not believe anything the government tells you - George Carlin I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.George Carlin, Theres no present. window.Mobvious = {}; If you burn the flag, youre burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, 3. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Enjoy! When you die, it all stays here. } It's a Big Club, and You Ain't in it - American Thinker [CDATA[ }()); The future will soon be a thing of the past. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); }); //George Carlin Quotes Government. QuotesGram George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. You know what they ought to do with churches? The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. (function () { Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. 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Everything He ever makesdies.George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. This made him outstanding. Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin, 35. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Forget the politicians. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. BAM! But he loves you. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. Electricity is really just organized lightning. googletag.enableServices(); We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. There is only a short pause before the next horrifying event. Like the boogie man. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you. Yeah, I know, youre thinking. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? And a list of people theyre going to visit at 3am. I think every day all children should have 3 hours of daydreaming. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. The people are fucked." George Carlin tags: funny , humanity , humor 8709 likes Like "//securepubads.g.doubleclick.net/tag/js/gpt.js"; Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. ' George Carlin, 30. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Nothing changed.George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?George Carlin, I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. - George Carlin profile quotes. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. Try spelling Evian backward. Deal with it. George Carlin, One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. Topics. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics if (isRetina) { And fight songs. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images By Daniel Kurtzman Updated on 06/20/18 "In America, anyone can become president. Use your fucking heads! Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time,George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("grsession", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); Pictures. Feel free to reach out and connect. Well, we know what they want. } Everybodys going to save something now. How are YOU going to tackle today? What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. It's a big club and you ain't in it. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readteach them to question everything that they readteach them to question everything. George Carlin, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. } Laugh often, long and loud. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointedidealist. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. var ue_id = "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN"; Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Lets get started! In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! George Carlin. What exactly is viewer discretion? Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don't want: They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. "I have a right, you have no right, we have a right." Folks I hate to spoil your fun, but. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. George Carlin, 23. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. a[a9] = { Who the fuck is going to invade the US? Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin var ue_mid = "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1"; George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads.com // page settings When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. he must of been a brilliant man mostly misunderstood by most people wish i would of met him in person one on one, 51 Best John Muir Quotes On Nature, Mountains, Trees, 50 To Kill A Mockingbird Atticus Quotes With Page Numbers, Happy Birthday Nephew Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Daughter Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Good Morning Happy Monday Images With Quotes, Wishes, Cute & Romantic Happy Birthday Love Images For Him, Her, Happy Birthday Dog Images With Quotes For Your Puppy, Happy Birthday Niece Images With Wishes, Messages, Quotes, Depression Quotes Images | Feeling Sad Pictures, Wallpaper, Happy Birthday Son Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Husband Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages For Hubby, Good Morning Quotes Images To Make Your Day Beautiful. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, Ronald Reagan Religious Quotes To Live Your Life As A True Believer, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes. He loves you and he needs money. We havent tried that for a while. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. But there is an I in independence, individuality, andintegrity. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. And the supreme arrogance? gads.async = true; - George Carlin quotes. , That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. Top George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion They own everything. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. But once youre born, youre on your own. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. } Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. gads.src = (useSSL ? Thank you! The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. I hate groups of people. George Carlin quote: I have certain rules I live by. My - Lib Quotes

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